Today’s Republicans: Anti-Constitutional, corrupt Pedophiles and Convicts.

It’s true. Leading Teapubbies are pretty much guaranteed to fit into or more of those categories. For proof, one need only browse the news of the day:

Anti-Constitutional: in a clear and massive violation of the Establishment Clause, Steve Palazzo sent Christian Bibles to every other member of Congress to help them make good decisions. Uhmmmm, Stevie Boi, the law of the land forbids the making of laws based on religion. Really. Look it up.

Corrupt: the Repub Majority Whip used a lobbyist to help hire and fire his staff. Yes. Yes, he did:

Quinn Gillespie & Associates’ John Feehery sat in on and participated in multiple official interviews with job candidates last month for the new majority whip’s press operation. Scalise has not yet announced who he will name as his communications director.
Sometimes lawmakers rely on lobbyists for strategic advice. But inviting a lobbyist into an interview is highly unusual. Several ethics lawyers and current and former leadership aides said they have never heard of a similar arrangement.

Pedophiles: Ted fucking Nugent is a practicing serial child-molester, and he is well-loved by Repubs across the nation. And Duck Daddy Phil Robertson advocates marrying underage girls. In fact, he did so himself.

Convicts: Dinesh D’Souza, a self-admitted and convicted felon, will…oh Hell, I’ll just quote the article:

Dinesh D’Souza, a conservative author and filmmaker who in May pleaded guilty to making illegal campaign contributions, will give the keynote speech at the West Virginia Republican Party’s annual “Victory Dinner” in September.

D’Souza will speak at the fundraiser in Charleston on Sept. 19, four days before he is scheduled to be sentenced in federal court on one felony count of campaign finance law violation.
“Dinesh D’Souza has been a warrior for more than 20 years for conservative values and solutions to some of our most difficult problems as a nation, like education and immigration,” state Republican Party Chairman Conrad Lucas said in an email announcing D’Souza’s appearance. “We are proud to bring him to West Virginia at such an important time in our state’s Republican turn to red.”

Got that? These people are not bad apples in the barrel: they are lauded and exalted by the rest of the fruits in that container. Child molesters, thieves, whores and felons: those, my friends, are the very model of the New Republican Party. They lead it, promote it, belong to it, and vote for it. They are what the party of Lincoln has become.

Vote for a Republican, and you signal your support for child abuse and other disgusting, Anti-American acts.
Vote against them if, well, you DON’T support child abuse and other disgusting, Anti-American acts.

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Crazy-Assed Teapublican accuses Dems of waging a “War on Whites”.

No, I’m not kidding. Sad to say, this is not satire. Not intentionally, anyway:

Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala.) doesn’t think that the hardline stance Republicans have taken on immigration could hurt the party’s standing with Hispanic voters. Instead, he thinks Democrats are hurting their prospects with white voters.

“This is a part of the war on whites that’s being launched by the Democratic Party. And the way in which they’re launching this war is by claiming that whites hate everybody else,” he said during an interview Monday with conservative radio host Laura Ingraham. “It’s part of the strategy that Barack Obama implemented in 2008, continued in 2012, where he divides us all on race, on sex, greed, envy, class warfare, all those kinds of things. Well that’s not true.”

Christ on a bread roll, really? No, I mean seriously, really? These Obama-hating racist fuckwits are accusing DEMS of racism?
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Ohio’s 100% Republican Government Supports your Right to Swim in Sewage.

Yes, our Wall Street millionaire Guv and his Libertarian partners in crime are perfectly OK with endangering public health and calling it “choice”. You see, lakes across the state are heavily contaminated by feces, some of them more full of feces than at any time in history. And the state employees who are supposed to be responsible for our safety are saying & doing stupid, well, shit:

Other states, including Illinois, Vermont and Missouri, typically close beaches when E. coli levels pass 235 colonies per 100 milliliters of water. Yesterday, 13 beaches in Illinois were closed for levels that ranged from 300 colonies to more than 2,000.

(In Ohio,) Levels at Crystal and Brooks beaches exceeded 10,000 colonies this month.

Mary Clifton, recreation programs administrator for the Ohio Department of Health, said the state doesn’t want to shut down beaches.
“Ohio typically would prefer that consumers and constituents be able to make an informed decision, instead of dictating the use of the recreational waters of the state,” Clifton said.

You might ask “why would someone working for a ‘department of Health’ knowingly expose people to record-breaking health hazards?” Good question. The answer, as it always is with the GOP, revolves around handing rich people money and shafting the rest of us.

You see, it costs more to close a beach than it does to put up a sign. Likewise, it costs money to maintain sewage systems, control wildlife, and regulate things like agricultural and industrial pollution. And when your elected government is focused on stealing money from the taxpayers so as to pad its cronies’ offshore bank accounts, why, there isn’t much money left to do, you know, the actual job of the government.

Ohioans, by their votes, decided to swim in shit. Said swimming in fecal matter being both real and metaphorical. And at this point, it links like the lazy, stupid liberals and centrists of the Buckeye State will once again not bother to go to the polls in 2014, allowing Republicans to continue their crime spree. And by so doing, allowing our children to continue swimming in shit.

Fucking idiot voters.

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So, I guess the Duck Dynasty boyos are Taliban supporters now?

Here they are with their grown-for-TV-beards:

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And here is Bowe Bergdahl’s daddy, who grew a beard while waiting for his son to be released:

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The difference? Nothing. Not one damned thing at all. Facial hair, grown by men. (Bonus points for the similar headgear.) What makes the Bergdahl beard  Taliban? Nothing. And what makes the Robertson’s beards non-Taliban? Likewise nothing.

Either they’re all secret Muslim extremists, or none of ’em are.

Allahu akbar , Duck Dynasty fans!

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